The urge is real

I feel into the wholeness and truth about being a woman and a human. It isn't needy to want and need another human. It's so deeply rooted in our culture to praise the individual and being independent. Both as men and women. The truth is, we are here because our ancestors actually stod together in communities and partnerships. It's impossible to survive without each other. Research has shown how good, close relationships and community are the main health factors as we age. So when I feel deprived and tired it's actually so important to have compassion with myself. Yes, I miss skin contact, I miss strong arms, kisses, good sex and cuddles. I get unnecessary exhausted and I use so much effort to stay healthy, flexible and constructive. I'm good at it, but being close to a good man could give me way more energy, easy and without so much effort. More I educate myself, healthier I become. My knee injury are healing. So much are going my way. My whole life is on an upward spiral. Because I live every damn day conscious. With enough sleep, the right food, meditation and workouts.

Working 100% is surprisingly easy after years of part time. I adjust and I'm thriving. AND, my gut is slow, not used to the insane tempo at work. So my sleep is restless from time to time. I feel this deep heart and womb felt yearing. I pratice asking for support and help at work, every day. Because I know on a cellular level, I can't and I want not to live an unsupported life. I want to normalise asking for help. To let my nervous system getting used to it. To feel that someone has my back. And now I'm asking and opening up for him. To recive the help and support only a man can give in a intimate relationship. I'm not worried about my health or wellbeing but I know if I want to operate from a even more optimised place in myself, only a good man can help me further. I know, words like operate and optimised aren't cute or romantic. But it's accurate. We are doing each other better. Conscious relationship with growth and learning as the very foundation. So yes, I'm being way more honest in my yearing for a man. To deeply acknowledge and daring to say it, I want a man and I need a man. I don't have a long list of preference. I need him to take himself and his life seriously. He knows what he needs to stay healthy, mind, body, soul. He is ready for something real, honest and raw. He knows he have to initiate and understand the order of the relationship. I'm open, ready, available and I'm not chasing, pushing or hinting anymore.

I slept restless last night. So before 5 in the morning I meditated, still in bed. Instead of feeling annoyed or frustrated, I felt how the deep rest connected myself back to my eros. It's truly something, not only to feel the wetness on my fingers but to hear the wet sounds when I fucked myself awake. I love such mornings. To have time to reconnect to my pussy and womb.

I have cold plunged twice these days. I walk to work in the morning, 3 celsius degrees, wearing wool. After work it's17 degrees, I take a swim or a plunge in the fjord. Naked. Deliciously cold and refreshing. Back into my wool clothes,walking barefoot home and working out before dinner. It's a huge help with the sun and the fjord. It's deeply regulating for my nervous system and mental state.

I'm going to watch Frikar tomorrow. More than ever I'm drawn to my norse roots. To those artists that understand how necessary it is.

I do need the space and time to still have enough slow time. I easily spend 8-11 hours in bed. I do need to remember myself to exhale properly. And every time,I remember that night. It wasn't butterflies or the well known anxiety when you meet someone you really, really like. But I do remember how my heart was beating fast and I had to consciously exhale. ( it's the best way to actually catch your breath)

How I wanted simultaneously to climb him like a tree and just stay forever in his bear hug embrace. How I feelt super cute and naughty at the same time. And deeply understood , it isn't up to me. I know what I want. I'm not afraid of my need of a man. I'm open. Ready. Soft. Avaliable. All of you are welcome. Thank you. I love you.